World Cup is here once again! Despite all the anticipation, I must say that so far, the scorelines have been pretty disappointing, especially when it comes to the big teams which are supposedly expected to thrash their opponents by numerous goals. My big favourites for this coming WC would be Spain, Brazil, Germany, South Korea and Netherlands! Hopefully, I'll be watching one of these teams in the WC finals! Spain vs Switzerland was a terribly disappointing match. I was expecting the Spanish team which was overflowing with talents to at least win the match, if not thrash the Swiss badly. But the world cup is unpredictable. Switzerland's win must have stunned the world and cause many punters to lose money!
I couldnt fall asleep last night because somehow I felt pretty annoyed at a certain somebody. And to let off some steam, I began to list out the reasons for me getting annoyed just to prove my own point that I was not annoyed for no reason. Turns out that every little thing does add up, and over time all these seemingly minor incidents add to my unhappiness. I cant help thinking that I'm rather unreasonable, for getting upset over such silly incidents. But nevertheless, I shall vent them all on this blog(which you'll never read anyway).
Hopefully Spain will fight back in their next two matches and qualify for the quarter finals! And hopefully also, they'll just happen to top their group so that they wont be meeting Brazil in the quarters!
When I couldnt fall asleep I instinctively took out my phone and began typing some of the incidents that occured before. I'm feeling a little too lazy to rephrase them or write them out nicely here, so I guess I'll just replicate whatever I wrote in that drowsy state of mind, just so that I can delete those drafts out of my phone before anyone reads them.
I've just started watching Bloody Monday 2. There was this scene in the drama whereby the main character had to choose between hacking into some Russian system and not. If he hacks into the system, he'll save an entire plane full of people, but his friend will die. If he does not hack, his friend survives, but the plane will explode. In the end, the police lied to him that his friend was rescued so that he would start hacking into the system and the plane(with its people) survived. It's kinda sad to see him finally realising that his friend had already died when all along he thought that she was safe.
The first draft: Sigh there are just too many minor incidents. On my birthday I wanted to spend the last few minutes with you, but when I reached the gate of your hall I had to wait a while and by then, it was already past midnight. Then again, that wasnt the part I was upset with. Before you even came, someone else opened the gate. When I went up, you were just coming down and at the same time talking to somebody(I cant see who) rather impatiently. The moment you saw me, you turned around and walked away without saying a word at all, without even acknowledging my presence. Would it hurt if you at least told me you were gonna use the toilet? Could you wait for me in the room? But no, I'm supposed to know where you went by that one fleeting glance you gave me. I guess I felt pretty mad, so I just left my book in your room and left. Before I reached my hall, you called me. "Ni zai na li?" you asked impatiently. When I told you I was walking back already you gave a huge sigh and explained, "I was in the toilet"
Tonight's match at 7.30 would be Argentina vs South Korea. Watching South Korea play brings back certain memories of the 2002 world cup, which was the first time I grew interested in watching soccer. That was when I realised that it wasnt just about 20 people on the field chasing after one ball. If the players were skillful, it would be a beautiful game to watch.
The second draft: When you lost your ring you sounded so sad that I didnt have the heart to get angry with you. I didnt really mind that you lost the ring. Besides, you promised that you were gonna get a replacement as soon as possible. That was in Feb or March. It's June now. Before I went to Cambodia you promised once again that you'll get it by the time I came back. Now, I'm back from both Cambodia and Vietnam too. Its not the replacement that matters to me but rather the promise made. I find it hard to believe whatever you say anymore. It feels like you're just saying them to appease me for that moment. Thats not all. There are many minor incidents too.
I'm feeling rather bored after coming back from both Cambodia and Vietnam. There doesnt seem to be much to do at home, apart from playing silly facebook games or watching dramas. I need some exercise!
The third draft: Before going to Cambodia I made a To-Do list for you. Sending an sms to me daily was the first thing on my list. You bargained to not have to send any message on the last day, since I was coming back anyway. When I told my friend about making you send me a message everyday, she was stunned. "Shouldnt this be done automatically without you even asking for it? One message in the day and one in the night. Doesnt take much time anw"
For now I guess i'll just keep myself entertained with Bloody Monday.
The fourth draft I will not post up because of how silly it is going to sound. I just wish you'd care a little more and show a little more concern sometimes.
OFF, for the time being. Who knows when i'll blog again?
Sounds like I have a lot of complaints doesnt it? Well, I'm sure you have many against me too.
Just had my first paper of this semester today and I think I did quite terribly. Then again, I don't think there was anything I could have done anyway. I did what I could already, so I'll probably get the grade I deserve.
I had some difficulty differentiating between day and night when I'm in my hall room. I didnt realise that it was already dark and raining until I opened my door to go buy dinner for myself. I guess the room is really a buffer, a twilight zone between 2 worlds.
I had a weird dream the night before and somehow I just couldnt stop thinking about it. People say that you dream what you think. Does it mean that subconsciously, my mind had been thinking about that? It felt so real that when I woke up I actually thought it was true. Ironically, it could have been true under certain circumstances. Nevertheless this person still holds a certain level of importance to me, having been my pillar of support for a few years. If I think about it, everytime I feel down or bored or just random, he'd be the first few my finger would automatically find on my list of phone contacts. Ah wells.
I think I agree with what Si En said to me before. The hall room is really a great place to emo in when you're alone. It's so quiet that I can even hear my own thoughts flowing through my mind like nobody's business. Sometimes I wish I had the ability to pen these thoughts down and store them in a time capsule where no one else can ever find them.
Oh, its 12am in the morning and I guess it's time to hit the bed.
- Mood:
drained
Its getting rather tiring-in fact more draining than I ever thought it would be. Especially when my personal expectations end up inconsistent with the reality. Its funny how in my imaginations, things often appear wayyyy more rosy than in the real world. So much so that I think I'd much prefer to live in that little bubble of mine, with all its wild stories but always happy endings.
I cant seem to describe what I'm feeling in words now but I guess I'll just use this space to vent whatever frustrations and confusions I have, which is actually a lot. Every genre of my life has been giving me problems lately. I wish I had someone to talk to and tell. Someone who would listen to me and not judge what I have to say. Someone who can actually provide me with objective opinions which are non-biased and purely subjective. Then again, I don't think I'm able to tell everything either, since its so hard to put these into words.
My sister just showed me a random rhyme. It says something about complaining all the way if it makes you feel better in the day. Okays so here i am with all my petty little complaints again.
My mom just had some mini "talk" with me last night regarding TY. I think she seemed pretty skeptical of us for the first time. Questions like, how did you guys meet? How many girlfriends did he have before? Why did they breakup? Did you see her before? Do they still see each other in school? Didnt he go through quite a lot of camps already? Wouldnt he have met many pretty girls by now? Didnt he see any pretty girls he liked over so many camps he attended?
All these popped out over a short span of half an hour. I got pretty frustrated just trying to answer them. Its like, how am I supposed to know?? All these questions-I'm curious to know myself! I've got a thousand and one questions too. But to me I think I value my pride too. I don't want to sound too nosy and insecure asking this and that (although I actually already asked lots and lots of questions...but I think if I ask any more I'd probably frustrate him to death).
Putting the questions about him aside, I think I have more questions to ask myself, but when I do ask, I have no answer to them. You see, the thing about myself is that I often don't really know much about myself. Thats why I'm worried. I'm scared that one of these days I'm going to look back and ask myself, did I really want to do this? Was this how I want to live my life?
And I'm frightened that my response would be, No. I just accepted everything life brought me to without questioning if I wanted it. I was too lazy to fight for what I really wanted. I just took whatever easy route that came my way.
All these sounded all too true now. Oh but the thing is, I don't even know what I really want! See how messed up my life is? Urgh. I think it sucks to not know what you want. :(
Forgive me for thinking this way...but I wonder how long this can actually last....
Off to the books again, despite my unwillingness.
I cant help but feel so useless. When I finally set my mind down to studying for stats and I realise I cant do any of those freaking past yr stats mcq qns at all! No matter how hard I try to understand the qns and read through the related chapters to see how I can manipulate the available information into the answers, I cant do it.
I hate this feeling of helplessness. Its like-there's nothing I can do. Just read and reread the qns but nothing sinks in. But who do I have to blame, except myself? That I should have started studying/revising much earlier. Then again, maybe even if I do that I wouldnt be able to understand, given the quality(or rather lack of quality) of my brain. Yeah, for some people it's so simple. Reading=understanding. Me? No this never happens I guess.
"You think the more times you read or study, the better u'll do for exams? No. Sometimes, if you dun get it, it means you dun get it. Even if you were given more time it wouldnt make a difference."
If this is so, why should I even bother? I might as well give up now. Stop schooling or anything. Sigh. I wish this statement wouldnt leave such a huge impact on me. At least, after all the times I've failed I had an excuse. That I didnt have the time to study, I haven tried hard enough. But if this statement were to hold true, wouldnt it mean that even if I had tried, I would have still failed? Then, as I've said, why bother?
Sometimes all my inabilities make me wonder what in the world am I good for? There isnt any area I can excel in, or at least be slightly better than average. I suck at sports, academics, arts, cant play musical instruments, cant sing, cant dance, am mediocre in my writing abilities, have no persuasion skills, have poor memory and application skills. In fact, I cant even lie without my face giving it away! On top of that I cant cook, cant take proper care of myself and am such a terribly untidy and messy person.
Perhaps the world would be better off without me around so that I wouldnt be wasting the resources that can be used for a greater good.
:( :( :(
My birthday wish: To have a stats tutor who can explain all the relevant concepts clearly and patiently to me and also tell me exactly what the questions are asking for.
My birthday month SUCKS.
URGH. Kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me
I sound like some derranged kid here. I think stats is driving me crazy. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Last night when I wanted to go to bathe I realised that my clothes line was empty. For the slightest moment I thought I was having some memory lapse and forgot that I brought in all my undergarments already. So I went back to have a check-but my drawer was empty too!
The first thing that came into my mind was OH NO...Don't tell me there's some underwear thief going around stealing people's undergarments in hall! I almost wanted to give my mom a call to complain, when I found out from Qiao that she got Huimin to help us take in our clothes cos it was raining.
(Mom is currently in a very exasperated moment while watching some korean show. She seems very angsty and is offering loads of suggestions to the girl in the show: Divorce him! This type of husband dun want even better! I HATE this type of men. Divorce him la! Wah I very angry for the girl.....
Hmmmm, I Think she's trying to hint to my dad? "If you EVER dare to do this! I will #@%$@$%@%")
Argh a hungry person is an angry one! Off for dinner first!
We're currently 2 weeks into IHG(Inter hall games) and I must say I'm pretty much enjoying the whole experience. It was great to be training as a team again together with the scrabble people last week. I had almost forgotten the feeling of being in Team 2006 of the sec 4 year, with my lao mei, jeri, dong dong and mich. I thought I lost interest in scrabble completely too. But after 7 games of scrabble I guess it re-ignited the passion I once had for the game although the zhai-ness of yesteryears was long gone and I was getting thrashed terribly.
Celebrated mama's birthday on saturday!
The cake we designed for her! Of course, every part of the cake has its own meaning as well: Apparent meanings and hidden but actual meanings :P
Mama is damn cute in her bangs! We went to some karaoke place at teo hean to celebrate for her! Owner made me sing Yuan Liang Wo again cos I accidentally squirted yellow cream on her hair while trying to figure out how to decorate the cake! Wah I'm losing count of the number of Yuan Liang Wos I had to ask from her le! HAHA.
Haiz and its emo time again. I dunno wad im asking for. I dunno what I want even. I cant even put into words what exactly are my thoughts now. It's just that everything is so sian to me now. Must be the Nothing-interests-me Syndrome. Oh wells. Nothing I can do about it also I guess. Arghhhh just kill me ba :(
OFF
- Mood:
bored
Oh YAYz accounting paper is over! (okay i might be copying Ris Low by using her infamous zzzzzzs but cut me some slack-I need to add life into my words now!)
(RANDOM: My roomie just saw an eagle soaring in the skies above when she went to the toilet. Seriously, I just love the location of our hall room. Where else can you find such scenic views of the trees and azure blue sky coupled with soaring eagles? I'm so gonna keep this room next year. Would be too used to having this private yet convenient location to change to any other room. So what if blk 60 is the "happening" blk? MY blk has eagles! HAHA like what the prof sent us in his email: Do look out for eagles flying about. Well, we saw it! okay, not me...qiao did. )
Anyway, back to the topic on my accounting paper... Surprisingly, I actually found the paper rather manageable on the whole. Of course, manageable doesnt mean I know how to do everything. It doesnt mean that I can do almost everything either. But at least it was better than other quizzes I had, which I must admit I was clueless about and had practically no understanding of what I was doing. Oh, and the good thing was I managed to finish the paper on time and I cant help but be proud of my time management, although it meant giving up some questions to do the others, which I think is the lesser of two evils. (Oh and just in case you're wondering, the two evils are "doing one question and forgo-ing the rest" and "forgo-ing one question and doing the rest")
Speaking of this, I must give credit to my senior who spent the whole of yesterday coaching me on accounting! I think I was probably a terrible student to be, given the fact that I was totally not concentrating on what he was saying half the time(pretending to understand when I had no freaking idea what gibberish he was talking about oops...) But this was until i somehow mentioned something about using analogies and after explaining to him what exactly is the meaning of the word "analogy" (Im surprised he doesnt know!), he came up with a CAT THEORY based on all the possible accounting theories we've learnt! I think it was the most interesting theory I've heard in a long while and I decided to write them all down here!
QNS:
What do i do if i buy the cat from you and pay the money, but haven get the cat?
Dr prepaid cat
Cr Cash
When you buy cat food for the cat?
Dr Cat Supplies
Cr Cash
When your cat eats the food?
Dr Cat
Cr Supplies
When your cat shits?
Dr Shit
Cr Cat
If your cat's entertaining abilities is estimated to be reduced by 10%?
Dr Impairment loss of Cat's entertainment
Cr Allowance on impairment loss
If your cat confirm decreased abilities by 10%?
Dr Allowance on impairment loss
Cr Cat
If your cat drops hair?
Dr Allowance on impairment loss on cat
Cr Cat
If your cat is sick and you bring it to the doctor?
Dr Medical Expense
Cr Cash
If you think your cat is not as cute as you like it to be and you send it for a make-over?
Dr Work in process Cat
Cr Wages paid
If your cat finally comes out from the make-over looking as cute as a xiao bao?
Dr Finished Cat
Cr Work in process Cat
If your cat is naughty and runs out of the house often and one day suddenly becomes pregnant?
Dr Cat
Cr Gain on cat
If your pregnant cat gives birth to adorable little kittens?
Dr Kitten
Cr Cat
If you bought the cat for 500 and you sell it to your neighbour(who is smittened by the cuteness of the cat) for 1000 bucks?
Dr Cost of Cat Sold 500
Cr Cat 500
Dr Cash 1000
Cr Cat Revenue 1000
Dr Cash
Cr Unearned revenue
If you win another Cat from a lucky draw? (lucky you! got a cat, kittens and a new cat!)
Dr Cat Receivables
Cr Gain of Cat
HAHA okay thats about all there is to the CAT THEORY.
****
After the test the 3 of us (me, yw and benny) went off for lunch and we spent like 4 hours just sitting at the canteen and chatting away non stop. Its a wonder how we always have so much to chat about. Muahaha. I feel like spilling some secrets out here but i'll probably get killed if "ahem" reads this. But anyways, it's still really interesting to hear bout their views on all the different topics we raised. Its really like a discussion forum! So cool. And I think I learnt a lot more about the type of person Benny is after all these chats. My dear owner also let out lots of wise insights which I'm forever interested to hear no matter how many times I like to ask her those scenario questions.
One last thing:
TODAY IS MY DARLING OWNER'S BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY!
Finally you're the same age as me already! Heehee but in a few months time you're gonna be younger than me again! :P Anyways, today is still a very very special day, for you and for me as well. Because if today 19 years ago never happened, you would never have entered this world and I would never have met you and gained so much from all your interesting "food for thought" as well as the friendship and LOVE we share! So whatever it is, today is definitely a day worth celebrating! Unfortunately, due to the stupid accounting exam, we cant give you a surprise now! But hear hear! Have no fear my dear...the end of the exam nears and marks the end of the year. We shall all change our gears and wipe away all tears!
Alright that was pretty random. To cut things short I love you my dear owner and may all days be happy for you! I wanna see your smile everyday! :D
OFF
Lao mei is coming back from her batam trip tomorrow night! According to mom, she sounded really tired out on the phone when she called home yesterday and complained that her arm has been aching from carrying heavy bricks all day. OMG. I cant imagine her doing all those manual labour at all! And the poor girl suffered from insomnia for the first night too!
Went to watch meteor showers on Tues night/wed morning. Unfortunately, we didnt get to see any! According to my tut mate, she said the showers really came from 5 onwards, which was when we left! Wrong timing ahaaha. But nevermind...it was worth it all the same.
Sometimes I wonder what is it that this head of mine wants. It's forever imagining far-fetched stories that never ever happen in real life-probably in dramas only. Such as some random flying kid entering my room to bring me to neverland. Or perhaps a sudden realisation that my parents were actually some rich people and I get zoomed off to their world of riches, with no need to study anymore. Or that I discovered some secret door that brings me to special places. And because of that I get disappointed with how mundane my life is. I wanna do something crazy! (I could have, but I didnt dare to. The next time somebody asks, I'm gonna agree no matter what)
I need to learn to be satisfied, really.
OFF
There's so much that have happened since I've entered NTU that I really have no idea what to begin with. But somehow I just have this urge to blog and release whatever steam I have inside me. The workload is totally piling up and I realised that I dunno anything at all! Exams are like in a few weeks time too! I have this feeling im gonna have to disappoint my parents once again. :(
I need motivation!!
But I just cant bring myself to study. Urgh somebody just kill me ok?
Sighs. I wish I were smarter.
thank goodness you're around though, whenever I need you.
OFF
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